nothing beyond hope

I was raised to pretend everything is okay
even if I’m dying inside
I was raised to neglect my own needs
because that’s what it took to survive

I loved them through all the hurt
I loved them through all the pain
But I see now I was always alone
and all my efforts were in vain

Because they never really understood
the madness they fostered in my heart
They layered guilt and blame and shame
and said it was my problem from the start

It’s the people who I thought
would love me no matter what
It’s the family who shamed me
and labeled me as the cut

That is a big, nasty, gaping wound
and I don’t know if it will ever close
Before I bleed out entirely
and decide that there is nothing beyond hope.