Christine Reinheimer – Azshara
Home ★ YouTube Video: My 24 Week Miracle
★
Azshara Angelina
| YouTube Video: My 24 Week Miracle I’ve been dreaming of writing a story for the longest time, telling the world how I’ve gone through six pregnancy losses and finally giving birth to a healthy, happy baby after nine months of anxiety-ridden pregnancy. I kept thinking how much hope I can give to other women who have been through miscarriages and help them keep on trying to get to where they want to be even though hope dwindles with every loss. I was very happy when my husband and I decided to try again for another baby a few months after we had lost our daughter last year at 20 weeks. Although uncertainty still plagued me, I felt different about this pregnancy. I felt like I was going to make it through, that this was it. My first trimester was uneventful apart from feeling sick all the time and not having enough energy. At 16 weeks, I started having back pains which reminded me of how my loss started last time, so I was put on modified bed rest and was seeing the doctor every week for a checkup and an ultrasound. I was also taking a weekly shot, two daily shots, and various other pills and supplements to help us have a successful pregnancy. I felt like we had everything covered and prepared to catch whatever could go wrong. The baby looked great week after week, and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Labor Starts★ On the evening of March 31st, I was having cramping that suddenly started getting worse. I was debating whether to call the doctor or not and just as I called them, I was sure these were the same sensations I felt the last time. My husband and I rushed to the hospital which was an hour away from my house and during the car ride, the contractions became five minutes apart from each other. I was frightened, but at the same time, I was still calm. I kept telling my husband, or probably myself, that the doctors can save her and we will not lose this baby. I was only 23 weeks pregnant. I was admitted that night to the hospital and was put on hospital bed rest. My cervix had opened up and my amniotic sac was bulging out. They did everything they could to stop the contractions, and gave me steroid shots to help the baby develop faster. We were visited by the neonatologists to talk about the chances of survival and what we wanted to do. We wanted to save her. We wanted to do everything we could to keep her with us. Being on hospital bed rest was difficult. All I could think of was my baby and the situation we were in. I felt really horrible about not being able to have a normal pregnancy, and I felt so ashamed of not being able to give my husband a child. I was in a very dark place because I didn’t know what would happen; I was trapped by sadness and fear and regret. But during this time, my husband would drive back and forth every day for two hours just to be with me. He helped keep me sane when I was feeling so lost. During this time, people reached out: friends and family offered prayers and love and support that gave me the little bit of strength that I needed to get through even for just one moment. There were many times when I said I wanted to give up, but one thing that stuck with me was when my husband told me not to give up because our daughter had not given up on me. The Birth★ On the night of April 11, the doctors could not stop my contractions any longer. They did an ultrasound and saw that there was no more amniotic fluid left around the baby and we had to take her out. They told us that the safest way for the baby was through a C-section since there was less risk of brain bleeds. However, they had to do a vertical cut, which meant I could never deliver vaginally again. I agreed right away because I wanted to do what was best for her, but as we were getting ready, I felt fear. I was so afraid of what could happen, I didn’t know if she was going to make it, and I was afraid of dying myself. During the surgery, I kept on feeling like I was going to have a panic attack. It took all my strength to stop myself from completely freaking out. I kept on imagining that I was on the beach where my cousin Tiny and I went to during my last visit to the Philippines. I don’t remember the last time I felt afraid like I did that night. I heard her try to cry. I heard this very small cry. I kept on asking if she was okay. My husband saw her and kept on telling me she was doing fine and that she was so beautiful and even tried to breathe on her own. I felt relief. I felt happiness. I felt love. They showed her to me very quickly before they took her to the NICU. She was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life. I can’t really explain what I felt: awe, serenity, strength. Azshara Angelina★ was born on April 12, 2014 at 4:50 am. She weighed 1 pound and 7 ounces and was 12 inches long. I was only 24 weeks and 5 days along when she came. It has been a long journey and she came home with us on August 9, 2014. As of September 10, 2014, Azshara is 11 lbs and 2 oz and is doing great! We celebrate every little step forward she takes, every ounce, every inch, every breath. My daughter ignited the fire in me again. She has led me to know faith and what it really means. I used to feel like giving up on everything; I used to feel like nothing was worth it. My daughter has taught me the value of life; she has taught me more than I ever thought possible. We all have our battles to fight, our suffering to endure, and in the end or somewhere in between, we realize why it had to happen that way. I gladly will go through it all over and over again for her. |