It doesn’t make sense.
Not if we’re talking about love that shows up. Love that protects. Love that witnesses and acts. The kind of love I give doesn’t match what I’ve been given in return or what they have made themselves and other people believe. When someone says they love you but they disappear when you’re drowning, when they stay silent while you’re being hurt, when they watch the weight fall on you and don’t even try to lighten it… that’s not love that’s safe, that’s not love you can rely on.
If they won’t show up when it matters, what kind of relationship is even left to continue?
This is more than just pain, it’s abandonment in slow motion. It’s a family system that normalized leaving each to fend for ourselves, then expected our gratitude when they remembered our name. It’s not unreasonable for needing more, not ungrateful for noticing the absence, not cruel for drawing a line where the hurt kept repeating. I have been trying to build bridges to people who don’t realize they’ve already burned the foundation.
How can I continue with a family or any relationship that refuses to acknowledge hurt and harm that keeps happening? How can I continue with someone who doesn’t even believe it’s real? How can I continue with someone who abhors my decisions and refuses to understand it which then informs all future interactions and leaves me feeling retraumatized over and over again?
Love that vanishes when it matters most is not love you can count on. Love that only shows up to defend itself is not love that heals. A relationship built on denial isn’t a relationship, it’s a performance, it’s an act, it’s a contract of silence. They keep choosing the comfort of denial over the responsibility of love. I built and rebuilt bridges while they stood at the other side, arms folded, asking why I’m making such a fuss about the fire they set.