We don’t choose our emotions

We don’t choose our emotions the way people think we do
They arise from context, experience, pattern, proximity, memory
and it happens whether we like it or not

What we do with it is the part we have control over
but most people get stuck arguing about
whether the emotion is valid
whether it’s real
or if it makes sense
or if it’s appropriate
instead of asking what might be the causes

Then it also gets muddy
because when people start feeling uncomfortable
they collapse the conversation
or pathologize or moralize or try to fix it or fight it
instead of listening to it

We have to try to keep the conversation alive long enough
It’s necessary.
Because no clarity, no transformation
ever comes from bypassing the truth of how something feels

We don’t have to resolve things right away
but we need to be able to hold it without shutting down.